Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
