Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you inspire me to be a worse person
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
