Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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