We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
