i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
