C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
