Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
