i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
