About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
