just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize