Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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