Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
