Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
