Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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