Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Apparently you make a good broom.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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