This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
