Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
