i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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