He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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