Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
