I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize