I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
