in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
