God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You're like the curious george of whores
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
