and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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