He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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