Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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