just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
