So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Houston, we have a squirter
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
