Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
