I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
