I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
