Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
