you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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