I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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