Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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