There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She told me I should be a condom model.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
