if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize