just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
