I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
