So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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