I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
