I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
