Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
