This girl is more easily done than said...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
