he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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