I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
