U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
