Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
