Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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