Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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