If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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