So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
