Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize