someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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