I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
