I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
