where am i from again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You pole danced in your parka.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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