Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
