I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
