My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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