the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
