these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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