she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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