And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
