how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
