i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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