I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
