i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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