he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
