he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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