I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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