This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
