Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
