I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize