And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are two peas in an std pod
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
