Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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