hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
