I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
