Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
