Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
