Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
