seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
