So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
