I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
