I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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