Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
