Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
